just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
