then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize