Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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