You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
