Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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