I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
