i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
