I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
