he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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