Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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