I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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