Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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