I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
