You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize