and you said cock pushups were impossible
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
