i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
