i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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