I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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