Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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