Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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