And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
