I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
