The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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