I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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