It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
