i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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