what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
