to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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