Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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