Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
