I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
