I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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