"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
