If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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