i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
