If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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