Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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