i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
