I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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