So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
