Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
