My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
