I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
