i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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