I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
