Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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