His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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