Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
