Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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