i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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