Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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