We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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