I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
