They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
