just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
