Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize