Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
