my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
