when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
