Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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