Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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