you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
