dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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