thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
