so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
