i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
