is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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