very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
