we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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