We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
