No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
