We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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