so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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