I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
