its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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