Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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