I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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