Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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