Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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