I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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