so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
