I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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