Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
