my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
