i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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