Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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