I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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