I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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