We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
