So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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