I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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