Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
