i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
