He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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