I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
