we have officially lost it.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
