Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
