She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
