maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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